Why funniest jokes

You guessed it, Campers in the product group are tasked with building the Culture Amp platform. They've built all of our surveys, like employee engagement and employee effectiveness. David C. I don't have a joke, instead, I'm going to tell you my favorite animal fact.

Did you know that ants are the only animals that don't get sick? It's true! It's because they have little antibodies. Paul A. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. Michael B. Customer I was at the park wondering why this frisbee kept getting bigger… and then it hit me. Letian W. Why it is hard for a communist to tell a joke?

It's not funny until everyone gets it. Ramya R. A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before the problems start! The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, "When are you going to pay for these beers?

Daniel B. What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One's pretty heavy and the other's a little lighter. Brenton A. I was told that I needed to come up with a joke for this thing, and I've always been one of those people who messes up the punchline, so I figured I should probably prepare for it. So I went to a bookshop and found a good joke book, to try and get some inspiration, or just plain steal a joke to use.

When I got home, I realized I'd accidentally bought a thesaurus. As you can understand, I was pretty crushed Winny Y. Once there was a man who went to an exotic country and came across a stall selling handmade handheld fans. After using it the first time, it broke so he took it back for a refund. The owner listened to the complaints and finally asked him how he used the fan. The man demonstrated flapping the fan as one would normally do. Then the owner said, "Ah! No wonder!

You have been using the fan wrong. This is the way to use it. Diana M. A designer walks into a bar. A product manager walks into the bar and asks for a drink. A drunk Elm programmer walks into the bar. Finally, a QA engineer walks into the bar, orders a beer, ten beers, 2. Tom R. When I met my now wife, I asked if she was vegetarian because she really loved animals.

Rebecca S. Did you know that the urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is only ever a whim away? A whim away Prince L. And God said to John, "Come forth and you shall receive eternal life! Bhairavi T. Dani A. Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up! I just feel bad that you're standing alone Jason O.

My housemate is a huge Richmond Tigers fan. Now the Richmond Football Club in Melbourne hadn't been in the grand final since way before she was born so this was a big deal for her. Unfortunately, she hadn't expected them to make it to the grand finals after all, they never had made it in her life so far so when she was planning her wedding she had picked that same spring afternoon. Devastated as she realized she couldn't possibly do both, she resigned herself to making the difficult choice, the only choice, and posted on Facebook "If anyone would like to take my place this Saturday, 2 pm at St Mark's Chapel, let me know.

Deepa S. Why did the donut go to the dentist? To get a filling. Jaime T. Customer What do you call Batman when he skips church? Christian Bale. Robert J. Have you heard about the band MB? Kunwardeep B. My wife and I laugh about how competitive we are.

But I laugh more. Michael R. Why did the car get a flat tire? Because there was a fork in the road! Martin V. An Italian businessman goes to Indonesia for a business trip.

He hates Indonesian food, so he asked the concierge in his hotel, "Is there any restaurant where I can find Italian food here?

He takes the pizza and eats it. Suddenly he's sneezing uncontrollably and shouting to the delivery person, "What did you put on this pizza?! The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put exactly what you ordered on the phone, sir.

It's pepper only". Olga S. Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? The Empire State Building can't jump. Lauren M. Why don't scientists trust Atoms? They make up everything. Kristopher H. Rebecca V. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Sebastian C. A carrot! Tom G. How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate his pizza before it was cool. James B. What do you call a dinosaur with only one eye? Wow I love these!

There were funny although some took me a while to understand them but whatever! You guys website made me laugh and my family! I knew this would be a good website as I heard may good things about you guys!

Wish you the best for the feature! What is the difference between a school teacher and a train. The school teacher says spit out the gum and the train says chew chew. Do you know , or What's the difference between an Elephant and a Loaf of Bread? I don't know. I guess I can't sent you to the store! My sisters love this joke Q Earth slipped on some milk he wondered were did it come from? A The milky way! Q: How do you get down off an elephant?

You are on a horse with a lion behind you and a giraffe in front of you. How do you escape this situation? The answer is to jump of the carousel! You put it in the oven!.. My 5 year old is kinda dark. But it was really funny when he first said this. Q Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? A Because then it would be a foot. Q Where do you find a cow with no legs? A Right where you left it. Q Why was the white car white? A Because they didn't paint it black.

Q If athletes get athlete's foot, then what do elves get? A They get Mistle-toes. Why was cinderella not able to play soccer? Because she kept running away from the ball. Get it,as in 'ball'. Telling silly jokes is such a childhood rite of passage. My kids love jokes! This post was last updated October What did the hairdresser say to the bee?

Would you like a buzzcut? My 9 year old son thought this up! Knock knock who's there toilet toilet who? Flush the toilet haha. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved! By the way I am not a parent I am a child just so you know.

My 8 year old wanted me to post this joke after she enjoyed reading yours! Why did the prune take the plum to the dance? Because she didn't have a date! Knock Knock Who is there?

Cow Cow whoooo? Cow says moooo! Q What do you call a dinosaur that can't see? A a do-you-think-he-saw-us stolen from Jurassic Park! Q Why did the jellybean go to school? A Because he wanted to be a smartie!

Q what do you do with an angry Alien A just give him some space. Why did the cookie go to the nurse? That's good. I'll have to try that on my son. He loves Thomas too. Leaf who? Leaf me alone. My daughter's favourite Where do wasps go when they're not feeling well? The waspital!

Why do vampires brush their teeth? They don't want bat breath! What was the last thing to go through the bug's mind when it hit the windshield? His butt. What did the daddy tamoto say to the baby tamoto? Hurry up and catchup?? My kids' favorite: Why do sharks swim in salt water? What do you call something full with enless letters A mailbox By my friend. Two originals from our house: What kind of boat goes around a castle?

A Moat-or boat! Which part of the car has the most fun? First place winner in the Iowa State Fair kids joke contest a few years back.

Impatient chicken. Impat-- Baaawwwck! Radio who? Radio not, here I come! What do you call a monkey when you take it's banannas? Furious George. Knock Knock Who's there? Duane Duane who? Duane the tub, I''m Drowning! Because he wasn't peeling well. Q: what side of a turkey has the money at feathers? A: the outside of course.

Q: why do pilgrims pants always fall down? A: because their belt buckle is on their hat. Q: how do you keep a turkey in suspense? A: I'll let you know next week What is pink and runs through the dessert?

A herd of strawberry yoghurt I would like to feature you on my new fb group, Homeschool Warriors Village. Did u hear about the guy who fell into an upholstery machine?

What did the doggy say when he walked over the sand paper? A: "rough, rough " ruff, ruff. Here's the full elephant-in-the fridge joke as I remember it. Where do you find a dog with no legs? Where you left him! Q:what do you call a spider with no eye A:a spder Q:what do you call a fish with no eye A:a fsh. Q: What do you call a bear with no ear? A: An ear less "b". What type of infection does a book have? Book worms! What do you call a sleeping bull? What did one egg say to the other egg after they told a joke?

You crack me up. Variation: Q: Why did the elephant paint his toenails red? So he could hide in a cherry tree! Q: Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? See, it works! My grandaughters favorite: What's in the middle of a gummy bear? A jelly button Why did the gum cross the road?

It was stuck to the chickens foot. What do you get when you cross a tiger and a lamb? A striped sweater! Why did darth Vader cross the road? To get to the dark side. What do u get when u cross a rolling pin, and a stone? Lol I agree. What did the wall say to his mom?

I'll meet u at the corner! Why do seagulls fly over the sea A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be called baygulls Get it lol. Why did the chicken get a penalty? What did the red traffic light say to the green traffic light? Don't look I'm changing. What do you call a dinosaur with no legs Doyathinkhesaurus?? What is the Easter bunnys fav breakfast A. My 5 year old granddaughter told me these. What did one hat say to the other? Stay here I'm going on ahead.

Why can't the a bike stand up? Because it's to tired. Why couldn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he had no guts. Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing! Why do you call a dog that can tell time? Why did the whale cross the ocean? To get to the other tide. Q: why did the duck cross the road? A; She had to ask the chicken a quacktion.

What sits at the bottom of the ocean and shakes? A nervous wreck! Maybe more one for Mum and Dad. Doctor Doctor, who? Yes, that's right. Please can I get your help? My tardis is broken. Q: What is something you can catch but you can not throw? A cold!!!! A clock Q: What music does a mummy like best?

Wrap music. I got one how do a dog stop a video Put these so-bad-they're-good best dad jokes of all time to use as Father's Day captions and put a smile on your old man's face this year.

Of course, if you'd like to take a more sentimental route, we have plenty of meaningful dad quotes to choose from too. Country Life. Design Ideas. Home Maintenance. Country Living Shop. Shopping Guides. United States.