But we never dealt with the underlying problems. My husband seemed quite accepting at the time and he is trying his best to be loving, but we never talked about the issue again. I found myself drifting back into the affair, and eventually we did have sex.
This went on for another three months. Now I have decided to break it off completely. I feel I need to sort out my marriage, as I'm so desperately unhappy about all of this. I know we need to do a lot of talking, but is it really necessary to mention that I was physically unfaithful? It seems so very hurtful, when just the closeness to someone else was the main symptom of our problems.
Should I be that honest? I'm worried that he may find it all too much to accept and that we won't be able to move on from this. We talk a lot about the importance of honesty in relationships, so I can see why you ask if you should tell him. Maybe he has felt the same. Instead, explain any of the issues that are appropriate and truthful.
Instead, I shared those worries with someone else and that led to an affair. If you're asked questions about the quality of the sex and the emotions involved however, bear in mind that this will be painful for your partner to hear, especially if she or he is in shock. Answer questions truthfully, but without embellishment , promise to give more detail as and when your partner wants more information.
Get some support. Both you and your partner will be dealing with a range of difficult feelings and emotions and it's important that you both get the support you need. You may find it helpful to attend some Relationship Counselling sessions as a couple or individually to help you talk about what has happened and work out how you can both move forward. Discomfort lies ahead. The next phase of your relationship could be difficult and painful.
And if you choose not to tell your partner, digesting your feelings on your own, and keeping your secret may be difficult in other ways. OR it might be the beginning of a beautiful new chapter in your life together. Similarly, you might choose NOT to tell your partner about the affair, and make peace with that decision… only to have your partner, through some weird turn of events, find out about it sometime down the line.
If you DO decide to tell your partner, figure out WHAT exactly you are going to tell them before you sit down to talk. There are probably a million things you could say about why you cheated. And there are a million other things your partner might want to know about the affair. Like all of the details of your sexual encounters. Getting into the nitty gritty details of every aspect of your affair could be cathartic.
Others caution against this. In my discussion with non-violent communication expert Joyce Swaving on my podcast, Your Secret is Safe with Me, she urges against sharing all of the gory details of your affair with your partner. Here are some additional tips for having a difficult conversation with your partner.
And you always have the opportunity to shift your perceptions — and with them, your feeling state — about whatever those things are.
The affair is over Recent Posts See All. Making Difficult Decisions.
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